Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just tell him i said nine months
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
