we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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