Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
