Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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