apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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