I met the friendliest cop last night
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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