I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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