he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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