I feel like I'm in dance class right now
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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