Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
