I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
