Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
