Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
