I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I smell stomach acid.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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