So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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