was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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