Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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