I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
