I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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