Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
