i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
