yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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