Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
