Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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