I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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