i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
