I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
