Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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