but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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