Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
