my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
