I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She's not a foreskin expert like you
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
