he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
