Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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