Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
