proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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