well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Randomize
