am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
