we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
my god I love twenty year old dicks
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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