Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
