i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
