I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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