You just made me feel so damn special
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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