I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
