I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
