Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
