i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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