Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
