i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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