Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
